Reversing The Trend of Divorce

Muslims in America are not immune and are at greater risks than ever before.

By Khadija Abdus Sabur

National data presents the divorce rate in the US at 35-45%. Upon speaking to individuals in the Islamic community who routinely perform marriages, the percentage of couples who seek post marital counseling is 35%, but the amount that end in divorce is approximately 50%. This is a startling statistic, especially in a religion where marriage is considered a sacred institution and half of your religion. So, you might ask, what are we doing wrong? Let’s examine how we as women can do better at selecting, and keeping a good husband, InshaAllah.  

Step 1- Intention

As women, we have to check our intentions in seeking a mate and open up an honest dialogue with ourselves.  What is the reason that we are seeking marriage? What do we hope to get out of the experience? Better yet, what do we commit to contributing? Is it that we just want to be taken care of, move out of our parents house, or engage in lawful intimacy? While all of these are valid reasons, they are not in themselves things that sustain a long term relationship. Marriage is not only a contract between a man and woman, but a contract with Allah. Are you fully prepared to be a wife as defined by Islam? Are you willing to respect and obey your husband, which I might add does not diminish you in the least, but raises you many levels. Do you want to grow together in your Islam, committing to continuous improvement and proper education of your children? Are you there just for the good times or are you ready and willing to face any tests together with the help of Allah. These are the things you should ask yourself before you even begin your search. Often times we are very specific about what we want, but have not given the slightest thought to what we have to offer.  

Step 2 – Selection Criteria  

We can probably all quote the Hadith which states that a woman is married for four things: wealth, beauty, status, or deen. It is narrated by Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: for her wealth, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust” (may you enjoy good welfare)[1].

This illustrious Hadith concludes by exhorting the believing men to choose the one with deen, if they desire true success. Well, how are we any different? If women truly want success in marriage, we should follow this same advice. As naturally emotional creatures, we often become distracted or intrigued by things that we like, but that may not be the best for us (yes, I dared say we are emotional-you know it’s true). For instance, we may glamorize the man that makes 100K a year, but what you don’t know is that he beats his wife. How about the brother with the impeccable beard, but he has children out of wedlock. The point is that basing things on external or

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