Reversing The Trend of Divorce

 

material factors alone may cause you to regret your decision later. Not that these things are not important, but they are secondary to having good character and religion. By choosing someone who first and foremost fears his Lord, you can almost guarantee that he will do right by you, as well as any children you have. Once a man came to Al-Hasan ibn Ali and said: “I have a daughter. To whom should I marry her?” He answered: “Marry her to a man who has taqwa. If he loves her he will be generous to her and if he does not like her he will still treat her well.” Regarding this, one of our predecessors said: “Take care of your daughter because once she is given in marriage she will be in the care of another and if he is bad she will be trapped.”  As we see from this wise advice, With someone who does not fear Allah, there is not much that we, or even the men in our family can do to ensure our rights. So, please pick the one with the deen. Just remember, he probably wants someone with good deen as well, so have that conversation with yourself that we mentioned in step 1. 

Step 3-Selection Process

Ok, we’ve done some self examination, purified our intentions, and thought clearly about what type of husband we want. But here is where a lot of women fall victim—not working through a Wali to carry out the search. When couples go to counseling due to marital problems, often the sister will have a laundry list of the issues (most of which were preexisting). However, when asked who her Wali is and if he critiqued the brother and gave his approval, there is often an echoing silence. Why is this? Either she:           

1. Chose the brother herself and did not use a Wali at all;

2. Was approached by the brother directly, and he had his best friend become her Wali to facilitate the Nikah;

3. Had a Wali, but they did not meet the Sharia requirements

Sound familiar? Unfortunately, these scenarios occur more often than you may think. A sister may meet a brother, and they get married within two weeks, without the benefit of proper investigation, and with a stand-in Wali, who after the Nikah is performed, won’t take any responsibility for what happens. This leaves the sister in a precarious situation. There was no one to truly evaluate the brother and deem him a good candidate for marriage. Often times, the women may have a certain idea of what a person is like, or what their education or material resources consist of, but find out after marriage that things are completely different. This is one of the many benefits of having a Wali investigate any potential partner. Believe me, as intelligent as women are, men know men. They will be able to glean things that we cannot.

Another very common scenario is looking for a mate via the internet. While this is potentially good resource, it is often used incorrectly, with the parties communicating without a Wali. The thought is: well we’re not talking in person, or we’re not alone together, so it’s halaal, right? The answer is an interesting one. With Muslims residing all across the country and scattered to the four corners of the earth, the internet is a useful

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